If there’s one lesson the modern world is shouting at leaders, it’s that authenticity wins. But here’s the truth: most leadership books quietly skip over this – authenticity isn’t just about “being yourself”. It’s about being vulnerable. And that’s where most leaders freeze.

Let’s address the elephant in the boardroom… vulnerability is uncomfortable. We’re taught to keep our guard up, never let them see you sweat, and always appear in control. But if you want to build real trust, energise your team, and create a workplace where people actually care, vulnerability isn’t a weakness – it’s the foundation.

Why Vulnerability is the Gateway to Authentic Leadership

I used to believe that strong leaders were unshakeable. The ones who worked the hardest, sacrificed the most, and always had the answers. But the longer I led (and the more I burned out), the clearer it became. People don’t connect with the mask; they connect with the human underneath.

When you’re open about your struggles and uncertainties, something powerful happens. You create psychological safety – a space where your team can be honest, try new things, and even make mistakes without fear. The research backs this up – teams with vulnerable, authentic leaders are more engaged, more creative, and more likely to stick around when things get tough.

My Story: From Sacrifice to Selfish Authenticity

There was a time when I wore my exhaustion like a badge of honour. The first in, the last out, always “on”. I thought I was modelling dedication. What I was really modelling was self-neglect, and teaching my team to do the same. When burnout finally caught up with me (and it will, if you ignore it long enough), I had a choice: to keep faking it, or own up to what I was feeling.

The day I admitted I was struggling wasn’t a defeat. It was the beginning of real leadership. That honesty opened the door for conversations that actually mattered. My team started bringing problems forward earlier, owning their mistakes, and – most importantly – looking out for each other and themselves.

This shift is what I call “selfish leadership”, but let’s be clear – it’s not about putting yourself before everyone else. It’s about looking after your own wellbeing so you can show up as the best version of yourself for your team. When leaders thrive, teams thrive. When leaders hide behind a façade, everyone suffers.

Vulnerability Builds Trust and Drives Engagement

Think about the leaders you truly admire. Chances are, they’re the ones who’ve shown you their scars, not just their medals. Authentic leaders admit when they don’t know, when they’re out of their depth, or when they need support. This kind of openness breaks down barriers. It says, “We’re in this together”.

Vulnerability doesn’t mean oversharing every personal detail or turning meetings into therapy sessions. It means being honest about challenges, asking for help, and – crucially – allowing others to do the same. When you do this, you set a tone that it’s safe to bring your full self to work.

Balancing Openness with Professionalism

Here’s where some leaders wobble. How do you open up without oversharing? The secret is intentional vulnerability. It’s sharing enough to be real, but not so much that you destabilise the team. For example, if you’re feeling the pressure of a big deadline, let your team know “I’m feeling the strain, too, and I appreciate how everyone’s pulling together. If anyone needs support, let’s talk”.

Openness paired with boundaries is powerful. As I outline in my SELF Framework:

• Set Boundaries: Protect your time and energy. Don’t pretend to be superhuman.
• Elevate Wellbeing: Model self-care. Take a break when you need one.
• Lead with Intention: Be clear about what matters, and admit when you need a reset.
• Foster Growth: Share what you’re learning, including from mistakes. This creates a learning culture, not a blame culture

Practical Tips for Leaders

1. Start with small admissions: Share when you’re unsure or learning, rather than when you’re at breaking point.
2. Ask for input: “What do you all think?” invites your team to step in with their strengths.
3. Show, don’t just tell: Take time off and encourage your team to do the same. Leave loudly.
4. Reflect as a team: Debrief after big projects—not just on what went well, but what you’d all do differently next time.
5. Normalise feedback: Let people see you acting on constructive criticism.

Why it Matters Now More Than Ever

Work is changing. People crave workplaces where they feel seen – not just for what they produce, but for who they are. As Daniel Priestley says, the people who become key people of influence are the ones who own their story and show up with vitality, not just functionality. Your authenticity – anchored in vulnerability – makes you irreplaceable, not interchangeable.

The bottom line is… If you want to drive engagement, build trust, and unlock the creativity and resilience of your team, it starts with you – being vulnerable, being real, and being brave enough to show up as yourself.