When the Root Cause Is You – The Hidden Addiction of Leadership

Most of us in leadership have wrestled with the same thought at some point – “it’s the business that’s breaking me”.

The pressure. The cashflow headaches. The constant demands.
But sometimes, it’s not the business that’s the problem.
It’s the relationship we’ve built with it.

We don’t like to talk about it, but leaders can become addicted to work. It’s subtle at first — the late nights, the constant checking of emails, the thought that “just one more thing” will make tomorrow easier. Then suddenly, work becomes the place where we feel most in control. It becomes our comfort zone, even when it’s destroying our peace of mind.

The Addiction of Work

Work can become a drug that numbs what we don’t want to face.
Feeling anxious? Work harder.
Feeling uncertain? Fix something.
Feeling not good enough? Prove your worth by doing more.

That compulsion to keep going isn’t always about ambition – sometimes it’s about avoidance. We work to quiet the noise in our heads. Yet the harder we push, the more we feed the cycle.

Before long, the lines blur between who we are and what we do. We start saying things like “I am the business”. But we’re not – and the moment we forget that, the risk of burnout skyrockets.

When Caring Too Much Backfires

Leadership attracts people who care. We care about people, results, reputation, purpose – and that’s what makes us good at what we do.

But caring too much can quietly turn into control. We don’t delegate because “no one else will do it right.” We rescue people rather than coach them. We overcompensate for others’ mistakes because we can’t bear to let anyone down.

It comes from a good place, but it’s exhausting. When you make yourself the solution to everything, you also make yourself the bottleneck. Eventually, you start resenting the very thing you once loved.

Perfectionism: The Polished Trap

Perfectionism disguises itself as high standards, but really it’s fear – fear of failing, disappointing, or being exposed as not good enough.

Leaders often wear perfectionism like armour, but the cost is heavy. Every mistake feels personal. Every success feels fleeting. You work twice as hard to prove yourself, but never feel satisfied.

And the irony? While perfectionism drives us to achieve more, it also robs us of the ability to enjoy any of it.

The Root Cause Isn’t Always the Business

When we strip everything back, the real root cause of many wellbeing challenges in leadership isn’t the market, the team, or the workload – it’s the way we relate to ourselves through the work.

We chase validation instead of balance.
We conflate productivity with worth.
We confuse exhaustion with achievement.

And it’s easy to justify because the world rewards the hustle. But if success costs you your health, your joy, or your relationships, then what’s the point?

Breaking the Cycle

Breaking the addiction doesn’t mean walking away from ambition – it means redefining it. The goal isn’t to work less; it’s to work well. To lead with intention instead of compulsion.

That begins with three simple truths:

• You are not your business. Your identity is bigger than your role.
• Boundaries are strength, not selfishness. Protecting your time and energy protects your impact.
• Rest isn’t a reward. It’s maintenance for the mind that leads others.

Because real leadership isn’t about how much you can give, it’s about how well you can sustain it.

And sometimes, the most powerful thing you can do as a leader is to admit that the problem isn’t the business – it’s the way you’ve been showing up for it.

When you start being more selfish, you start being a better leader.